I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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