i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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