tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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