I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
operation harelip BJ is a go
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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