I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize