how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize