Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
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Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
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For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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