my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
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He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize