The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
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just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
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I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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