i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize