Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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