explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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