i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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