i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize