I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
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Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
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Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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