there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize