Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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