she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
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As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm just crazy horny about you
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
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You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i need some magic done to my vagina
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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