I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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