Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize