the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
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