At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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