Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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