My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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