i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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