You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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