What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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