I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
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her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
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I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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