whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize