At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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