and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
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You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize