New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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