halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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