Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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