Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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