My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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