i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is Oprah even human
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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