I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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