He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize