The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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