I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
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i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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