Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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