You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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