Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
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I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
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She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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