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I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
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