I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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