my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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