Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize