Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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