Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.

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(417): So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes. http://tfl.nu/bjrk

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.

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(704): I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better. http://tfl.nu/5ydt

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.

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(978): i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite. http://tfl.nu/yk7i

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.

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(+44): The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps. http://tfl.nu/azhr

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat

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(414): My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat http://tfl.nu/5lfj

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.

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(709): the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table. http://tfl.nu/ak9q

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.

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(262): Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole. http://tfl.nu/sreo

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(623): View more from Arizona

I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.

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(623): I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite. http://tfl.nu/mkl5

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(219): View more from Indiana

So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.

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(219): So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers. http://tfl.nu/p4nm

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(502): View more from Kentucky

We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.

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(502): We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice. http://tfl.nu/njob

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool

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(724): at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool http://tfl.nu/z0fe

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(620): View more from Kansas

Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.

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(620): Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there. http://tfl.nu/1ncw

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(240): View more from Maryland

Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP

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(240): Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP http://tfl.nu/rq2g

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(831): View more from California

Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE

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(831): Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE http://tfl.nu/2zmk

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(905): View more from Ontario

I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had

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(905): I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had http://tfl.nu/i6b3

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